Growing Up!

My eldest son Mike (Micheal) is four years old. He is a very curious, adventuress, and silly little boy. When Mike was born he was born five and half weeks early. His birth is my eyes was the worst day of my life. I had all these thoughts and ideas of how it would go. I give birth to him, hold him and breast feed him and stare down at him in awe. To my surprise it did not go that way. He was born with the pre-mature lung disease that can occur in pre-mature babies, and especially in baby boys. I gave birth to him and he was wisked away from me. I never got to hold him, give him a kiss on his cheek, or even tell him welcome to the world. He was so sick that he had to be taken right away to the nursery where he had 2 docs and 5 nurses watching over his steady for 16 hours till a medi-vac plane came to take him to the Stollery Hosptial in Edmonton. It was not till then that I got to hold, wich was 3 days after I gave birth to him. I felt like the most horrible mother in the world for giving birth to my son to early. Anything anyone would tell me to try to make me feel better just would not work. I felt like it was my fault, and that I was the one that did this to him. It took me about 2 years to get over the fact of it and come to really realize that it was not my fault for his very early arrival. Years have past and I have a very Healthy and Happy 4 year old. Watching him grow and learn and become this most amazing little human being has been the most amazing thing to watch every day. I feel so luck to be a mother to him. Over the past 2 months my husband and I have really noticed a difference in Mike's attitude and seems to have done a lot of growing up. He does not want me to help him get dressed. Or to pour the milk into his cereal. Help him put his gloves on or even his jacket. He brushes his teeth, with my supervision, and he does a really great job! He has become very independent these days...it makes me very happy, but deep down inside I have this sense of not being needed as much as I did when he was so little and so helpless, when his life was totally in my hands. Yes, I know he is still only 4 but the needs of a 4 year is totally different then a 4 month old. His needs now are to play trains with him on the floor. To teach him is ABC's and 123's. How to treat people with respect, care and love. How to show Liam how to do things and the list goes on and on. I can not believe how time flies when you have children and how fast they grow up. For me it feels like x-mas comes every 6 months, opposed to when I was kid it just never seemed to come fast enough. I wish time would slow down just a little...a few more hours in the day. I now totally understand the meaning of enjoy your kids to the fullest cause by the time you know it they will be graduating from high school and heading of to college or university! Mike goes into Kindergarten next year...wow...kindergarten...really, next year??? Man oh man! Liam is 15 months now, and I just all of a sudden feel really old. Haha. But these years of them growing up, Im so looking forward to. Me teaching them new things, and them teaching me things as well. I have so much to look forward to!

My Place of Peace!

Growing up I never felt like I was totally at home. Never felt like this was where I was supposed to be. I always had a loving family who took care of me and showed me the right path in life. Showed me how to love and care for things and the people around me. I am I very happy with the person that I have become and am proud of what I have accomplished in my short 26 years. But living in Prince George just never felt like home to me. I don't know if any of you believe in a second life, but I have always felt that I belonged somewhere with vast wilderness, and somewhere that you could be and feel like you are in the middle of no where. Call me crazy but this is how I felt since I was little. My dad being a hunter always took my brother and I out grouse hunting and I would always feel so excited to go as I always felt at piece being out on those logging roads hunting for grouse. I met my husband and ended up moving to the Yukon. I will never forget the drive up here from Prince George. It was the middle of the night and I was sound asleep. At the time my boyfriend in the front seat with his brother in law and my boyfriends sister (my sister in law) sitting next to me. I felt this huge rock of the car and woke up to the truck coming to stop. We had a flat tire. I came around from my sleep and looked out the window. I no that we all experience dark...but there is nothing like Yukon dark nights. I remember asking Steve where we were. We are on a gravel road and then to my amazement I looked out the window to see Northern Light. Oh wow, they were amazing...greens and blues dancing across the sky. I started to think...oh my god...where are they taking me..me being a city girl and all with the heart of a northerner. From that day on all I have been wanting to do is discover more and see more of the Yukon and the vast openes it has to offer. I have always been in awe since that cold and dark night and have never got over the beauty of it all. My husband and I are hunters and go to this place in Faro. I look forward to going to this spot every year. You can see for miles and miles. I stand on top of the noel and close my eyes. I can not ear anything...the wind at my face and suns warmth beating on me...I feel at peace....I feel like this is where I am supposed to be...Where I have always supposed to be. In the Yukon, I am home....I am home! My place of peace!

10 minutes!

As a mother of 2 little boys, my life can sometimes be very, very busy. Sometime more then I would like. Here is an idea of how my life goes on most days. Get up outta bed and head upstairs, make breakfast, play on the computer for a bit, do dishes, put a load of laundry in. Liam wakes up, make breakfast for him, put the load of laundry in the dryer, play with the boys, break the boys up from fighting over toys. Put Liam down for a nap, Put another load of laundry in. Clean the house while Liam is sleeping. Read a book to Mike, play playdough with mike. Get lunch started. Have Lunch, Head outside, Listen to Mike and Liam laugh and play for about 30 min, then listen to Liam cry cause he is not getting his way, back into the house we go. Liam goes for his afternoon nap, sometimes mike to. 2 hours of them sleeping I clean like a mad women or make phone calls that need to be made with out having children either crying, yelling, saying Mom, Mom, or having a temper tantrum on the floor. Kids get up and I start to make dinner, Have dinner, go do baths for both kids, put kids to bed, come up stairs and take a deep breath and think, wow where was that 10 min to myself today...oh well maybe tomorrow!